Dear parents of small children

Dear Parents of small children,

Hi! Oh? You answered me back the first time? Really... hmm... I thought you were hard of hearing since your child just yelled MOM about 32 times while standing right next to you before you took your cell phone away from your ear long enough to answer him. "Excuse me" may have been more appropriate for him, but we'll cover that in a sec Ok? Now that I know I have your attention for a minute can I just ask a favor or two from you?

First, can you please teach your child the words "please", "thank you", and most neglected "excuse me". These words are severely lacking these days. Teach them that "excuse me" has a myriad of uses. If they want to get your attention when someone else has it it works like a charm. It can not only be used when they let a loud one rip in the middle of the crowded store, but any time they bump into someone as well trying to leave said store. Also, "thank you" should be said whenever someone does something courteous (look that one up) such as hold open a door for you. I am not your doorman, I am being courteous, a-duh, so "thank you" would be appropriate at this point. I find myself saying "your welcome" more and more to people who just walk past me like I'm a bellman. No manners? Here's your daily dose.

Next let's talk about the movies. Today in Monsters vs Aliens there were many children. Now, this is a kids movie so there's going to be, and kids talk during the movie which is fine, it's a KIDS movie I've got no problem with that, but keep them out of the R rated ones if they are going to be blabbing the whole time, and please for the love of God leave your infant at home (yes I've seen this at an R rated movie). Plus, just a reminder that simply because you are in an enclosed room that doesn't mean you need to stop paying attention to what your child is doing. Kicking the seat in front of him may be fun for your son, but God help the next kid that sits behind me and does that 20 or so times during the course of a movie, especially one I'm paying $15 to see... and I'm going after the parent not the kid. I can guarantee you my child, though 14, would only need to kick the seat one time before I put a stop to it and she apologized to the person who's back she kicked.

At the supermarket yes, I know, it's fun for little Suzy to pretend like she's shopping, but if she's standing in front of a section I'm browsing please move her little butt along. She's not spending hard earned money on London broil, I am, so I don't want her dirty fingers poking through the plastic on all the meat. While you're at it perhaps you can take control of the cart away from her juuuust long enough to move it out of the dead center of the aisle where everyone has to go at your pace. I certainly do not plan to spend 4 hours at Giant just because your kid had a fit and wants to push the cart.

I'll let you go now as your child just knocked over a large display and walked away as if it were someone else's job to clean it up. Have fun with that, assuming of course that you don't walk away from it as well.

Thanks for listening (see how easy that was).

Disclaimer: It should be noted here that I have 11 nieces and nephews under the age of 8 and none of them behave this way.